lOvE: aN aCt oF tHe wiLL nOt oF tHe hEarT...

Love is a word that could never be defined but rather a feeling that has to be felt in the heart. Try as we may, we will never really find the real meaning of it unless we try to open our hearts. Its a feeling most people feel when they're in love. But is love an act of the will and not of the heart?

For me, love is something that should also be felt by the heart. It is something in which you share with the person you feel for. When you love, you try to give everything to the one you love without even realizing and thinking about your personal happiness or desires. When you love, all you care for is the person you love. You don't care about anything else except that person who truly love the most.

But even though you try your very best to love a person with all your heart you still wonder why that person still chooses to leave you and tells you to forget everything you have shared.

It may be really sad but it is evidently true, isn't it? Whether we like it or not, we don't hold a person's heart. We try many ways (even crazy ones..) to make a person stay with you hoping that that person will be the person whom you'll share your precious moments with.

When we love, its either we experience great happiness or extreme pain and loneliness. Being in love with someone is not always like a chocolate coated candy in which you always feel and taste the sweetness of the relationship. When you love, you also experience harsh falls. In other words, loving has a great consequence. When you already learn how to love truly, you must not expect too much and be always ready for the thing called pain. When you fall deeply for a person, you'll understand what this word truly means most especially if the person you love doesn't love you.

In loving, you might experience "hard falls" but with that, you must not give up. Those falls will really aid you in your next experiences and in your next relationships as well. When you fall, you should just stand up. Time will heal the wounds and time will also come that you will be able to open up your heart again and be able to love again.

Loving is already an act of will. You yourself already decides whether or not to let a person enter your heart. You are the one responsible whether or not to let a person go in or just walk away from your life.

In loving, no one decides for you whom to love but rather you choose the one you love yourself. No one has the right to tell you or command you whom to love. Its you, yourself who decides for yourself. After all, you're the one who's loving the person, aren't you?

In love, you also learn how to make important decisions in your life. Sometimes, love demands a lot from you. It may demand you your time, family, friends or even yourself but it's still up to you if you'll give up the demands of love.

It doesn't matter how many times you fell in love and how many times you stumbled in love. What matters is that you already learned a lot of things about love in which you may use to improve your life. A quote even says, "Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

Even though loving someone may hurt you, you must not let yourself always be hurt. Even though if you hurt yourself once, twice or many times, surely you will be able to find the one who's really meant for you.

hOw dO i wAnT tO bE rEmeMbErEd aFtEr gRaDuAtiOn???

Many people say that high school life is the best. I guess it's true. So far, from all I have experienced during my four years in UP, I have already experienced how to laugh, how to cry, how to have real friends, how to express my true self and most especially how to love.

I guess everybody really wants to be remembered by the people or by the school they have graduated right after they graduate in high school. Admit it. Who doesn't want to be remembered after graduation? I mean, whether they may be remembered as the black sheep of the batch or as the popular guy it is not really that important. But the most important thing is to leave some imprints or remembrance for the people to remember.

I'm not the type of girl who's really popular, nor am I the girl who is active in student affairs or whatsoever. I am also not the type of girl who is a nerd, nor the girl whom everyone considers as the silent or shy type. I am just a simple student. A student who finds happiness in every little thing she does. I am also the type of student who just like other students who talks loudly sometimes and laughs most of the time.

I know that with this description that I have, I don't think people will really remember me. I don't even think they will remember the things that I have done while I was still in high school. But despite that, I also think that I have already left some important imprints of myself and I have already touched the lives of other people in some ways. With that, I am already contented but there are still more things that I want the people to remember me.

First of all, I want the people to remember my name. (obviously!) Well, it may be funny but I want them to at least remember my name because I want them to remember who I am.

Secondly, I want the people to remember the things that I have done for them. I want the people to remember the things I have done for them because I also want to leave something about me which they will remember forever. Though I may not be an official adviser of anything or whatsoever but I want them to remember the advices in which I gave them and remember the things which I shared to them. In short, I want to let the people remember how I touched their lives even in little ways.

Next, I want the people to remember me as the person who usually composes songs for the batch. Composing is one of my hobbies. I compose songs usually for presentations and for requirements. I also compose songs for no particular reason or whatsoever. Sometimes when I compose songs, I see to it that people could relate to it and I also make sure that it could be easily sang by the people so that they could jam with me. I don't know if many people likes and appreciate my compositions but I hope they do. For me, the most important thing about a song is how you relate it to people and how it will touch them in any way. As a composer, that has also been my goal but I don't know yet if I have already achieved that goal.

Lastly, I want the people to remember me as their friend. The friend whom they usually ask for advices about love, the friend whom they lean on when they have problems. The friend whom they usually laugh with and the friend whom they love for who she truly is. For me, having a friend is important because they are the people whom you could share your true feelings and also your secrets. They are also the people whom you can truly trust. No man is an island and I believe that a person will grow more if he or she has a lot of friends.

Being remembered in high school is not really important. What's important is how you spent your high school days and how you touched other people's lives during that short span of time. I know many people don't agree with this but we are getting old. As we grow old, we will still be able to meet a lot of people a long the way. And as we grow older with time, I know many people will especially me will never ever forget their high school years.

a wOnDeRfUl eVeNiNg...

Weeks of preparation has passed and finally last February 9, 2007 at the Waterfront Hotel in Lahug, Cebu City, the annual JS Prom took place and I guess the senior and the junior batches and the UP High faculty and staff really had a great time during that wonderful evening of laughter, prophecies, legacies and dances.

Every year, the University of the Philippines High School in Cebu holds its annual JS Prom. Usually, the juniors and the seniors allot some of their time for the afternoon JS Prom practices. Two weeks before the big day, (that is, two weeks before February 9, 2007) we had the pairing session where the juniors will have to be paired with the seniors and the seniors with the juniors. It was raining that day so I could barely remember the date. (for me, it was not so memorable) But during that pairing I was glad because my pair was handsome and most of my batch mates would like to have him as their partner. Lucky me, I was one of his pairs. (April D. and I were his partners for the prom).

At first, I thought it would be difficult to bond with him because I've never talked to him before and for me, bonding with the partner is important so that somehow the shyness will go away during the big day. And I was glad because he was not a mean person (as I presumed..)and I was able to befriend him because of the constant afternoon practices.

During those weeks of practices we were taught by our teachers on how to walk slowly and be lady like even once in awhile. (we were even made to wear sandals with heels!) We were also taught on how to act with our pair and how to dance for the dancing proper.

The day before the big day, we had a general rehearsal at the Waterfront Hotel. The juniors went there earlier than us and we soon followed in the afternoon. There we had to do the things we have practiced at school and try to do them the way they should be during the big day. We still had our sandals then and so we practiced there on how to walk with our sandals. We ended the afternoon by saying our goodbyes and with the hope that all will be well during the big day.

Then the big day came. I was surprised to see my playful, childish and noisy classmates in their long gowns and tuxedos looking so elegant and prominent. When I came at the place, I immediately took the opportunity to be with my classmates and share some moments with them through having our pictures taken. For me, it was important to have our pictures taken that day because it was our last prom and sad to say, it will be the last time that we'll share that night together at that wonderful place.

I really took the chance to bond with my classmates and batch mates because I know it will be one of the most memorable times of our lives. When the program started, we all walked through the stage with our partners and flaunted our gowns so that the judges (the teachers were the judges) will be able to see our poise and we were hoping that we might be able to get a spot at the senior prince or princess or even the prom king or queen!

We soon had our dinner and I honestly ate heartily because I was also hungry during that time. After that, the tribute followed. I was glad because I can really see that the juniors really gave their best in performing the tribute to the seniors. Then the prophecy followed. I think the seniors were happy to hear their names and seeing how the juniors prophecized the senior batch. The legacy followed and then the announcement of the junior prince, junior princess, senior prince, senior princess and ofcourse the prom king and queen..

The most awaited part of the program came. (the dancing part!) for me, this is the most awaited part of the prom because this is the time when the juniorsnad the seniors bond with each other and perform silly stuffs. (Despite the gowns and the suits og the guys! take note!) We all danced wildly and we really had a wonderful time. I was even surprised because this time, the faculty joined the fun. It was really fun seeing all of us having a great time and laughing all the time.

The fun stopped when the last dance was announced. I had no special someone to dance with so we, all the singles of our batch gathered and danced together. We all danced with happiness and enjoyment. I thought that time that I should just enjoy the moment and be with these people because I might miss this people someday. I also watched the couples as they dance with the people they consider special to their hearts.

All in all, I was glad about our last JS Prom. Despite the fact that this will be our last JS Prom, I'm still glad because I had the whole night enjoying with my batchmates and ofcourse the juniors. I'm also glad to know that the juniors and the seniors are getting along well. I'm already contented now knowing that we had a great batch and that we really had a wonderful relationship with the younger batches.

aLmOsT...

Ever had the feeling when you said to yourself, "sayang"? You actually tell that to yourself when you have something you regretted that you think you should have done. I've been through that (a lot!) and I tell you, it's not really a good thing because you might blame yourself hard. Blaming yourself is not good too because it might just depress you and it might just frustrate you.

Last February 5, 2007 was the card giving day of the UP High School in Cebu and the simultaneous homeroom meetings. As expected, during that day the honors' list was to be announced and will be posted at the faculty's bulletin board. But before the posting of the announcement in the faculty in the afternoon, during the morning, section Gonzalez was already informed of the honors' list and who were the honor students. I was shocked when our teacher also announced the students who almost made it to the honors' list. And I was not really expecting that I will be one of those students who almost made it to the honors' list.

During that moment, I did not know what should I feel. Should I be happy or should I just blame myself for not making it? But nevertheless I told myself that I should just wait in the afternoon, get my card and confirm in the class list m rank in the class and if it was really true that I almost made it. True enough, I found my name in the class list and sad to say, I really almost made it. My rank was next to the student who made it to the last spot in the honors' list. I was shocked and I really felt frustrated because I think I could have made it if only I strived harder.

After that moment, I was really asking myself silly questions like , "What was wrong with me?", "Why didn't I make it?''. Because of this, it made me remember the incident that happenned to me when I was still in my sophomore year.

Ever since I was in my first year, I had been a consistent honor student. When I was in my sophomore year, during the last grading period, I was onne of the honors but then I was not able to make it because of my grade in Math (that was algebra guys!). My grade in math was with a line of 7 and there is a policy in UP that when you have a grade with a line of 7 at the last grading period, ou'll not be able to nget a certificate of recognition. Since then, I already told myself that I should not aim anymore to be at the honors' list. But instead I should just concentrate on how to pass the subjects that I usually have a hard time dealing with. And just concentrate with my math and physics. (I'm not good with these subjects!) Since then, I never expected that I will see my name in the bulletin board. But honnestly, deep within myself, I was hoping that a day will come and I will see again myn name in the honors' list and in the bulletin board. I mean, who on Earth would not want to see his or her name in the bulletin board for honor, right?

This dreaming was fulfilled during my junior year during the third grading period because I was able to make it to the honors' list again. I was happy then, but I still told myself that I should just continue doing what I should have to do and as I have said a while ago and that is just to pass the subjects in which I have difficulties. true enough, I was able to make it and I was able to continue my senior year in UP.

And then again, it happened. I almost made it again to the honors' list but then again I was not able to make it. There are certainly a lot of things in which I should improve to be able to see my name in the honors' list. But for now, I am happy with the fact that after all my hardships during the third grading period, I almost made it. Though I was not able to make it, I know I still have my last shot and that nwill be the final grading period. Now, I promised to myself that this time I will not allow myself to be frustrated from all of the experiences I had since my sophomore year. Now, I realized that being in the honors' list is not just for the sake to be in the honors' list and to see your name in the bulletin but also to prove to yourself that you can strive harder and do better than the previous grading period. Doing better the next time is what we should always think.

It's like when we make mistakes. Sometimes we have to undergo a mistake for us to understand the lesson behind that and to assure yourself that you'll not do the same old mistake again. That's why I know that the while I still have the last shot, I have to do my best and just give my best this time so that I won't have my frustrations anymore.

a sTaRe iS mOrE tHan a kiSS...

The Look
Strephon kissed me in the spring,

Robin in the fall,

But Colin only looked at me

And never kissed at all.
Strephon's kiss was lost in jest,

Robin's lost in play,

But the kiss in Colin's eyes

Haunts me night and day.
-- Sara Teasdale

A stare or a look is more powerful than a kiss. A stare may be imprinted in your mind forever but a kiss may be forgotten.

When a person stares at you and looks at you in the eyes intently, don't you feel conscious? When the person you love stares at you, you feel something inside of you, don't you?

Yes, we all know that a kiss is also memorable most especially when you shared that with the one you truly love. But a look lasts more than a kiss. A stare really lasts in your mind but a kiss may be forgotten at times.

A kiss may be given to anyone anytime even without love. But when someone stares at you, it really means a lot. You don't know whether a person is staring at you because there is something in your face or if that person wants something from you. But for whatever reason that stare is for, you know it really means something. Inside of you, you always think what that stare means.

But for whatever reason, I know that a stare lasts more than a kiss. A kiss only lasts for moment but a stare lasts for a lifetime or even forever.

bEiNg tAuGhT bY sTuDeNtS....

During the KYSD, the students had a rare opportunity to be able to experience the life of being a teacher even for once. The students really taught their classmates and really felt how it is to be a teacher even for a day. The teachers had a day off for that day because studnents were able to substitute them from teaching the students.

I was a teacher in the KYSD and I really know how hard it is to teach my classmates. Some times your classmates would even be naughtier and noisier because they think that nwe are just at the same level like were just like classmates. It is so difficult to control the whole class especially when your classmates are really noisy and they don't understand the feeling of being a teacher. Though I had a hard time during that day, I still had a lot of fun because at least now, I may be able to say to myself that being a teacher is not really that easy. It really takes a lot of patience and perseverance to be able to control your class and ti be able to teach them the lessons which you should teach them.

Teaching does not even end there. When you are a teacher, you must be able to have a connnection with your students. This is important because if you don't have a connection between you and your students, how will you be able to teach your students well, right? When you are a teacher you must also find ways so that our students will also understand the lesson you have been teaching them. If they won't understand anything from you, I think it would be better to quit the teaching profession. I think the reason why people wants to become teachers is because people also want to touch others lives through sharing what they know and what they could still share. In the future, those things will be able to help the students in a way they never thought would help them.

Being taught by the students is cool. I think it's cool because students will not be afraid anymore to ask any questions from you because they know that you are their classmate and if you ask anything from them you are sure that they will answer your questions. Next good thing about being taught by students is that nyou will have a chance to have a one-on-one lessons with the student teacher. And because of that advantage students would be able to understand the lesson more. I would suggest that at least once a month, a studennt will become a teacher so that nthe studnents nnwill also be able to interact more, In that way, the students will have more fun nbecause the students will look forward that the students will be able to teach the lessons which the teacher should discuss with the students.

For me, there is nothing wrong with the students teaching students. I guess its even more fun if this activity will not only be once a year but should be done many times so that students would be able to realize the hardships and sacrifices a teacher makes with every lesson or sharing he gives to his class.

fOr aS lOnG aS i hAtE iT...

I hate Math. I really hate it a lot. I guess I'm not the only person in the entire universe who hates it. Everytime we have tests in math I always frown and my confidence goes down. I'm not always sure about that but I know that whenever we have tests in Math, I would immediately infer (even if the papers are not yet checked) that I have failed. And when the time comes that the papers will be returned, I would already confirm my guess. I knew that I fail. But that doesn't really disappoint me. Maybe I was already used to it or maybe I already knew at the back of my mind that I failed.

Looking back at my elementary years, you'd probably be amazed how my mathematical skills just simply went away or should I say forgotten. During my elementary years, our section was like the star section of the school. We were always the ones who represent the school in different competitions and contests. Fortunately most of the times we always win. When I was still in Grade 3, our teacher chose students who would represent the school in math competitions. She chose 5 students and I was one of them. Since then, every afternoon we always have our math training and we always answer difficult math problems. Sometimes, we don't attend our regular classes just to be able to answer and study math problems (in case there are contests..). During that time we were alraedy exposed to different contests and competitions in math. We were kind of lucky then because we always win. Because of that, our teacher was even more determined to train us in math because she thinks that we may be able to accomplish and achieve more if we'll train harder.

Honestly, I don't like the training we had because our teacher always scold us and insult us if we don't get the answer right. For me, that was like the most torturing experience I ever had. Yes it's true that you will be able to learn math in advance but in exchange with that is fear and psychological pain.

This monstrous training continued until I was in grade 6. We were always made to answer math questions and eventhough we would like to stop and enjoy for a moment our teacher would always stop us from enjoying and playing around. She would rather want us to sit and answer those stupid math questions. Sometimes my head would ache because of thinking too much on how to solve the problem but our teacher won't even have mercy on me. Actually it was not only me, but the rest of us who were also in the same training.

When I graduated from elementary I was grateful and happy because at last I would be able to enjoy and be able to go out from such tireful training. And with that I promised to myself that I'd forget everything I learned during that gruelous training.

When I entered my first year, I was shocked. Not because I was new to the environment or I was not still able to adjust to the new people I met but because for the first time in my entire life, I experienced to have a grade with a line of 7 in the subject math. It was really surprising because when I was still in elementary I never had a grade in math below 85. I was surprised but though I started to realize to myself how I really hate the subject. Despite that, I was still able to make it to the honors' list. I still continued and strived harder in math because I knew I was not good at it by that time. But still I was still able to make it to the honors' list. I was really nervous at the fouth quarter because there is a policy in UP that if you have a subject with line of 7, you'll not be able to receive any certificate of recognition. But luckily I did have a grade of 80 in math at the last grading period so I was glad.

When I was in second year, I experienced my first failure in my entire life. And I guess you know it, it's still in the subject math. During the 3rd grading period I had a grade of 74. I really cried because I don't know what my parents' reaction will be. During that time, I experienced depression because I felt that I was like a nobody and I was really a useless person because I don't know anything. but then I realized I have to move on and strive even harder just to pass my sophomore year and luckily, I did. I was just sad in my sophomore year because I should be one of the honors' list for the last grading period but I was not able to get a certificate because of my grade in math. From then on. I realized, hy should I strive hard to be in the honors' list when i know that I'm weak in math and it would be impossible for me to have a grade in math above 80? Why should I work harder? See what math has done to me?

in my junior year I was glad because I was able to have a grading period where in I didn't get any subject with a line of 7. My math then was good and I had a grade of 83. I was surprised and happy but then in the last grading I was not able to make it but though I expected it. Anyway I know that I was weak in math and beacuse of it I will never have a chance to be in the honors' list anymore.

Now in my senior year, I still hate math. And my dislike about it never subsided (I know it won't..). But no matter what happens, even if I hate math I have to move on. I know I will never be able to erase math in the world or even in my life because I know that math is everywhere. And eventhough it brought me a lot of misfortunes, I know someday math would also be able to help me in a way in which I would never expect it will.

A dAy wiTh tHe eLdErS....

Last February 2, 2007 all of us (the seniors..) went to Gasa sa Gugma in Mabolo. It was for our CWTS outreach program. At first I thought that what we'll be doing in there will be obliged (in the sense that we really have to help the people there). But when I was already there you will realize the situation of the elder people.

Seeing old people there having a hard time standing up and talking made me really feel bad. I pity the people there because they were just abandoned by their relatives. Because of that I remembered my deceased grandmother. When she was just like them, she was also having a hard time standing up. But despite that, I was still happy because at least my aunt who was taking care of her then really cared and loved her. Unlike the people there in Gasa sa Gugma, they have no relatives to take care of them and love them.

When we were already there, we immediately took care of one elder. When we arrived there we knew that they were going to have a mass. So we immediately helped the lolos and the lolas to stand up and go to the chapel where the mass was going to be held. Each of us tried our very best to help the elder people so that they can attend the mass. Some of them couldn't stand up so the main stay attendants there held them through wheel chairs. But then some of them were really stubborn. They said that they would rather talk and stay where they are than to attend the mass. So we did not force them anymore and instead listened to what they had to say.

My attention was called by a certain lolo Diosdado. He was really talkative and was tellinmg us about his childhood experience. Ofcourse all of us listened. He said that he was sorry for his grandmother because his mother keeps on quarelling with his grandmother. He also keeps on saying that we should always listen to our parents and always stay close to them because no matter what comes up to us, our parents will always be there to support and love us. He keeps on repeating that we should also respect our parents because they were the ones who brought us up and we should always thank them for everything that they have been giving to us. He also told us about how much he loves his daughters, his wife and where he lives. He also told us that his daughters left him in there because his daughters would like to find money to be able to sustain his needs. He still hopes that someday, someone will fetch him from there.

The next elder I met was lolo Andres. He keeps on insisting that he was still 50 years old but we didn't complain. He told us how he loves movies and he also told us about his idols- Fernando Poe Jr. and the president Estrada. He also told us about his likes and dislikes and told us many things. But I guess he's having a memory loss because he keeps on repeating some things over and over again.

After this I still met a lot of old people there and I was able to know some of the experiences they had when they were still younger.

This activity made some of my classmates and batch mates cry. I almost cried too. We saw their hardships there even for a short period of time and I felt their pain. I felt the loneliness in their hearts and I also felt their will to be with their loved ones again. This also made me realize, why would some people leave their lolos and lolas in institutions like gasa sa gugma? Shouldn't they be the ones who shoul take care of them?

In the Philippines, we were all taught the values of respect, courtesy and most especially close family ties. We were always used to the scene in every household where all family members are staying with each other even with a tight budget. From the lolo, lola, mother, father, to the children and even the children of their children. I was always used that we take care of the elder mambers of the family. I even took care of my grandmother when she was still alive. I believe that the family shoul take care of each other even to their last breath. We are not obliged to do that but at least that's our way to say thank you to them for everything they have been giving us. I think it's not right to abandon them like that. At the end of the day, would you like to have the same situation as them. I guess not. Who wouldn't want to die in the presence of their family? We should just take care of them rather than abandoning them. Our lolos and lolas need our love, support and understanding and I believe we should just give that to them.

Spread Love and peace to your lolos and lolas. Give them the love they deserve.