aLmOsT...

Ever had the feeling when you said to yourself, "sayang"? You actually tell that to yourself when you have something you regretted that you think you should have done. I've been through that (a lot!) and I tell you, it's not really a good thing because you might blame yourself hard. Blaming yourself is not good too because it might just depress you and it might just frustrate you.

Last February 5, 2007 was the card giving day of the UP High School in Cebu and the simultaneous homeroom meetings. As expected, during that day the honors' list was to be announced and will be posted at the faculty's bulletin board. But before the posting of the announcement in the faculty in the afternoon, during the morning, section Gonzalez was already informed of the honors' list and who were the honor students. I was shocked when our teacher also announced the students who almost made it to the honors' list. And I was not really expecting that I will be one of those students who almost made it to the honors' list.

During that moment, I did not know what should I feel. Should I be happy or should I just blame myself for not making it? But nevertheless I told myself that I should just wait in the afternoon, get my card and confirm in the class list m rank in the class and if it was really true that I almost made it. True enough, I found my name in the class list and sad to say, I really almost made it. My rank was next to the student who made it to the last spot in the honors' list. I was shocked and I really felt frustrated because I think I could have made it if only I strived harder.

After that moment, I was really asking myself silly questions like , "What was wrong with me?", "Why didn't I make it?''. Because of this, it made me remember the incident that happenned to me when I was still in my sophomore year.

Ever since I was in my first year, I had been a consistent honor student. When I was in my sophomore year, during the last grading period, I was onne of the honors but then I was not able to make it because of my grade in Math (that was algebra guys!). My grade in math was with a line of 7 and there is a policy in UP that when you have a grade with a line of 7 at the last grading period, ou'll not be able to nget a certificate of recognition. Since then, I already told myself that I should not aim anymore to be at the honors' list. But instead I should just concentrate on how to pass the subjects that I usually have a hard time dealing with. And just concentrate with my math and physics. (I'm not good with these subjects!) Since then, I never expected that I will see my name in the bulletin board. But honnestly, deep within myself, I was hoping that a day will come and I will see again myn name in the honors' list and in the bulletin board. I mean, who on Earth would not want to see his or her name in the bulletin board for honor, right?

This dreaming was fulfilled during my junior year during the third grading period because I was able to make it to the honors' list again. I was happy then, but I still told myself that I should just continue doing what I should have to do and as I have said a while ago and that is just to pass the subjects in which I have difficulties. true enough, I was able to make it and I was able to continue my senior year in UP.

And then again, it happened. I almost made it again to the honors' list but then again I was not able to make it. There are certainly a lot of things in which I should improve to be able to see my name in the honors' list. But for now, I am happy with the fact that after all my hardships during the third grading period, I almost made it. Though I was not able to make it, I know I still have my last shot and that nwill be the final grading period. Now, I promised to myself that this time I will not allow myself to be frustrated from all of the experiences I had since my sophomore year. Now, I realized that being in the honors' list is not just for the sake to be in the honors' list and to see your name in the bulletin but also to prove to yourself that you can strive harder and do better than the previous grading period. Doing better the next time is what we should always think.

It's like when we make mistakes. Sometimes we have to undergo a mistake for us to understand the lesson behind that and to assure yourself that you'll not do the same old mistake again. That's why I know that the while I still have the last shot, I have to do my best and just give my best this time so that I won't have my frustrations anymore.